As we're about to enter another year in mid-table, League Two obscurity, here are twelve lessons for all of us to ponder.
In no particular order:
Lesson 1: when you're on a yellow card, don't get a second making a stupid foul in the opposition's half of the field.
Lesson 2: stop hoofing the ball forward aimlessly from the back; it's a hoof and inevitably aimless.
Lesson 3: stop using the Danny Hollands non-long-throw, long throw tactic; it isn't very long and it isn't a tactic when you do it everytime. It also wears Danny, our best player, out.
Lesson 4: kicking the ball in to touch from the kick-off is a tactic best deployed in rugby union not the football league, not even League Two; we're playing for possession not position.
Lesson 5: when you take the lead, kill time all the time; play dead whenever possible; tie your laces, both boots, double bows; lose an imaginary contact lense; when substituted take an obscure route to the touchline, via North End preferably.
Lesson 6: always play a bald-headed, six foot plus, overweight central defender who has 250+ appearances under his belt in League Two and Conference, even if he's sh*te. He'll always raise his game at Fratton Park.
Lesson 7: trying to play tiki-taka football in League Two is like trying to polish a turd; be strong, be brave, get in there, it's football FFS!
Lesson 8: if your captain can't get in your first team, he isn't really your captain.
Lesson 9: if you're the manager it's your technical area to boss, nobody else's; get out there and be visible and vocal; they're your backroom team and you're their leader.
Lesson 10: don't tell me the crowd attendance was 17,500 when I have more than 17,500 empty seats around me.
Lesson 11: when you're lucky enough to be Chairman, your hands are for sitting on during matches. Behind the scenes - you can wave them around and kick as much a** as you want, if that's what floats your boat, as long as you remember to stay the right side of the law.
Lesson12: when at home take advantage of your biggest advantage - 18,000 noisy, rabid, angry, Pompey fans; stop making them boo you FFS!
PUP!
@Pompeychicken on Twitter.
